Carnet de voyages en Nouvelle-Zélande, Europe et Asie

Backpacker spirit

J’avais trouvé ce petit texte dans un hôtel en NZ, je l’ai trouvé génial, donc le voici, en V.O., pour ceux qui appréhendent le retour!

Here are a few handy hints that should help you settle back in when you get home

  • Replace your bed with two or more bunk beds and every night invite random people in to sleep there. This will make things seem more hostel like, and will also boost your karma. Ensure at least once a week a couple gets drunk and shags on one of the top bunks all night. Remove beds one by one as symptoms improve.

  • Sleep in your sleeping bag, and forget to wash it for months.

  • Sleep in a different room each day, varying it by setting the air conditioning either too hot or too cold. Sleep behind a pot plant for that jungle effect. Cats also double as tiger with a little imagination. Put up a mosquito net, enduring there are plenty of holes and that it falls down twice during the night.

  • Enlist help of a family member to set your radio alarm randomly to go off at some time during the night, filling your room with loud talking. Works best if you can find a radio station in Hebrew.

  • Slowly remove items of clothing etc from your backpack, until you are completely using your wardrobe instead. Maybe only one item a day, but remember it’s one step at a time kids. Don’t forget to smell your clothes before wearing them, and re-introduce the use of the iron SLOWLY.

  • Buy your favorite foodstuff, and despite living at home, write your name and when you might next be leaving the house on them. This should be the backpacker’s staple diet of mainly pasta, potatoes and beer.

  • Ask family member to every now or again steal one of the above foodstuffs, preferably the one you’ve been looking forward to, or the most expensive.

  • Keep at least one item of food far too long or in a bag out in the sun, so you have to spend at least 24 hours within sprinting distance of the toilet.

  • Even if it’s a Sunday, make sure you’re out of the house by 10am, and then stand on the corner looking lost. Ask the firt passer-by of similar ethnic background if they’ve found anywhere good to go yet.

  • Once decided to possibly get a job, take a fully packed rucksack to work with you every day. Although it’s perfectly safe next to the coffee machine, watch it like a hawk.

  • Buy your bus, train ticket or order a taxi in a foreign language. The fact the person behind the counter won’t understand you simply adds to the authenticity. Remember to barter for everything; if the bus driver says 70p, offer 30p.

  • When sitting on public transport (the tube in London is the best) introduce yourself to the person sitting next to you, say which stop you got on, where your going to, how long you have been travelling and what university you went to. If they say they are going to Morden, say you met a guy on the central line who said it was terrible, you’ve heard Parsons Green is better, and cheaper.

  • <When possible travel everywhere at break neck speeds on a moped carrying as much luggage as possible, without protection.

  • Shower infrequently, ensuring that you continue to apply deet for that true travel aroma.

These simple but effective instructions should help you fall back into normal society with the minimum of effort.
Good luck!

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